Happy Mother’s Day?: Nurturing Trauma-Informed Faith Practices for Mother’s Day
by Rebekah Drumsta
Mother’s Day is widely recognized as a time of celebration and gratitude, but it’s important to understand that not everyone has positive memories or feelings about this day. For many individuals, Mother’s Day can bring up grief, pain, or complicated emotions, especially for those who have experienced loss, estrangement, or trauma in their maternal relationships.
It’s also important to be aware of what children, women and families may actively be experiencing in their homes and lives. Not every child has a mother present in their world and not everyone who wants to be a mother has a child to hold. There are also private stories which include abortion, assault and abuse which are sure to be present in your community.
Personal Perspective
Mother’s Day was agony for me for many years. In the beginning, I forced myself to go to church on those Sundays, but it quickly became too much to bear. I remember how mothers were singled out-those with the youngest baby, the most children, the oldest mom. Sermons would focus on “Biblical motherhood” and the idea of having your quiver full of arrows for the Lord. But as I sat in the pew, all I could do was grieve.
While I cherished my young daughter, I couldn’t escape the ache of loving my other babies who were in Heaven. The day, with its flowers and “pamper Mom” themes, and the constant emphasis that motherhood is a woman’s highest calling, left me feeling sick at heart. I missed my babies deeply, and the way church services and beliefs framed motherhood only made me feel like I was falling short.
For me, Mother’s Day became a mix of grief, loss, and the pain of not measuring up. That’s part of why I feel so strongly about offering tangible steps faith leaders and communities can use to truly see and support the women they serve. Motherhood can be beautiful, but maternal relationships are not always safe, nurturing, or healthy. And having the heart of a mother without a child to hold can be devastating.
Two things can be true at once: Motherhood can bring gratitude and joy, but it can also be painful and complicated.
Adopting a trauma-informed approach means acknowledging this array of experience, creating space for both joy and sorrow, and ensuring that people feel seen and supported regardless of their personal history. By recognizing the complex realities surrounding Mother’s Day, faith communities and organizations can foster greater support, connection, empathy, and emotional safety for all.
Let’s dive into seven ways trauma-informed faith practices can be implemented into Mother’s Day celebrations, services or activities.
1. Use Comprehensive Language and Broaden Celebrations
Avoid assumptions about family structures or idealized motherhood. Instead of focusing solely on biological mothers:
Honor all caregivers (grandparents, foster/adoptive parents, mentors, community "mother figures").
Acknowledge diverse experiences: "Today, we celebrate those who nurture and care for others-in all its forms."
Replace phrases like "perfect mother" with "the sacred work of caregiving," which includes both joy and struggle.
Example: "We honor those who mother others-through love, mentorship, and sacrifice. Your care reflects the heart of God, whether you’re a parent, teacher, friend, or advocate.”
2. Create Space for Grief and Complexity
Normalize mixed emotions from leadership or in group settings:
Public prayer: Include phrases like, "For those feeling joy today, we celebrate with you. For those carrying grief, anger, or loneliness, we hold space for you."
Alternative gatherings: Offer a quiet prayer room, journaling station, or small group for those who find the day triggering.
Avoid public recognition activities (e.g., asking mothers to stand, handing out flowers) which can isolate those estranged, infertile, or grieving.
3. Educate and Train Leaders
Equip clergy, staff and volunteers to respond with trauma-informed care:
Learn about religious trauma: Understand how spiritual abuse or high-control environments distort concepts of motherhood (e.g., "motherhood as a woman’s sole purpose").
Avoid harmful theology: Reject teachings that equate infertility with "spiritual failure" or frame estrangement as "ungodly."
Use teachings to validate struggles: "Your worth isn’t tied to being a mother or having a ‘perfect’ family."
4. Offer Practical Support and Resources
Provide tangible tools for healing and connection:
Share resources: Distribute lists of trauma-informed therapists, support groups, books, etc.
Host professional-led workshops: Topics like "Navigating Complicated Family Relationships" or "Reparenting Yourself After Trauma” or “Walking Through Grief and Loss”
Partner with counselors: Invite mental health professionals to lead post-service discussions or Q&A sessions.
5. Redefine Symbolism and Activities
Adjust traditions to minimize triggers:
Children’s programs: Let kids create gifts for any caregiver, not just mothers. Use open prompts: "Who is someone who cares for you?"
Scripture focus: Choose verses emphasizing God’s nurturing nature over passages that interpretations may idealize motherhood.
Artistic expression: Invite congregants to light candles, write prayers, or contribute to a communal art piece honoring both grief and gratitude.
6. Center Survivor or Trauma Aware Voices
Amplify lived experiences to reduce stigma:
Testimonials: Invite survivors to share stories (if comfortable) about rebuilding identity beyond religious, cultural or maternal expectations, their personal healing journey, etc.
Small groups: Facilitate trauma-sensitive spaces where people can process emotions without pressure to reconcile or forgive.
7. Follow the "Four R’s" of Trauma-Informed Faith Care
Realize the widespread impact of trauma (e.g., 1 in 5 adults have experienced childhood adversity).
Recognize signs of trauma (anxiety, dissociation, avoidance, depression, etc.)
Respond with policies that prioritize safety and choice (e.g., quiet rooms, flexible participation).
Resist re-traumatization by avoiding assumptions, shame, or pressure to perform "ideal" family roles.
Ultimately, approaching Mother’s Day through a trauma-informed lens allows us to honor the full spectrum of human experience. Just like with my own story - having a baby in my arms or still loving the babies I miscarried, I was a mother. And by recognizing that this day can evoke both celebration and pain, we foster environments where individuals are free to express their authentic feelings and experiences without fear of judgment or exclusion. Individuals can participate in certain themed programs or services without fear, knowing the likelihood of being triggered or emotionally upset is at a minimum because they are in a space which prioritizes the whole person - mind, body and soul - through trauma-awareness, empathy and compassion.
Nurturing trauma-informed care inside your faith community is sacred and truly seeing the whole person can open doors for greater hope and healing.
Additional Resource Links:
National Alliance on Mental Illness - https://www.nami.org/about-mental-illness/mental-health-by-the-numbers/
Attachment and Trauma Network - https://www.attachmenttraumanetwork.org/batten-down-the-hatches/
Trauma-Informed Children’s Ministry: A Qualitative Descriptive Study - https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8586392/
Rebekah Drumsta is the founder of the Religious Trauma Network.
To read more from Rebekah visit RebekahDrumsta.com.
This article is not intended to treat or diagnose any condition. Rebekah is not a licensed therapist or clinician. Any advice or opinions given on this site are strictly individual observation and insights based on personal experiences and study. It should in no way take the place of professional assistance.