Why I Walked Out of My Church—and Into My Calling
I hadn’t told anyone what was happening—not my mother, not my best friend, not even a neighbor. No one knew.
The abuse had started on the very first day of my honeymoon.
I hadn’t seen him flip that switch before we said our vows, but the insanity began immediately after. I didn’t know what it was. I had never seen anything like it before. I didn’t know how to fix it, how to stop it, or where to turn.
Us Four S’more: What would make the biggest difference for you when it comes to support, healing, and justice?
Sticky questions, personal answers:
The Religious Trauma Network’s team mashup.
What would make the biggest difference for you-or for those around you-when it comes to support, healing and justice?
Chocolate Cupcakes, Coffee, and Community: An Experience with Fellowship
“It’s a first birthday party. There should be cake.“
With that text from fellow mom and friend Margo* - and the hope of chocolate - giving me strength, I peeled my body off the couch, already exhausted from chasing a toddler all morning. Our friends were worth celebrating. At the party, I told Margo that I was thinking about going to church in the morning, but that I was nervous. My husband had to work, and I hadn’t gone to church without him in almost a decade—certainly not alone with our daughter. Later that night, Margo texted me to tell me that she was grabbing coffee in the morning, including one for me. It wasn’t until I was driving to church that I realized what she was doing.
Front Pew Rebellion: When Faith Became the Battleground for Belonging
The message in this church community was clear: Black families sat in the back. Something in me stirred. I knew I couldn’t sit quietly in the back and pretend it was okay. But that day, I refused. I pulled my cousins with me. Though they were nervous and fearful of possible retaliation, I marched us to the front pew.
When Preferences Become Mandates
Anybody who is part of the evangelical church or a conservative congregation of other stripes knows that it is relatively common to encounter someone who has decided that doing things a certain way is the "biblical" way to do it.
Us Four S’more: What does freedom mean to you?
Sticky questions, personal answers:
The Religious Trauma Network’s team mashup.
What does freedom mean to you?
The Still, Small Voice
I can still hear the still, small voice described in church sermons: The Holy Spirit.
Its wisdom varied each day of the week.
On Sundays, it was loud: Get out of bed and go to church.
Mondays, it whispered: Just stay upstairs and out of sight.
Wednesdays, while weeping: Console mom.
Saturdays: Play with your little brother so he doesn’t get lonely.
How I Reclaim My Voice
Have you ever come to the realization that everything you thought about your life or a relationship or a friend (or possibly many things) was a lie? I still remember sitting in the church pew in my coral and brown dress, once again being scolded…yelled at…chastised…from the (bully) pulpit. I had recently turned 40 years old and had dedicated essentially every waking moment to that tiny but powerful institution.
The Banner Over Us Is Still Love
I opened the door to find my pastor on the doorstep. He handed me a letter, signed by all members of the congregation, stating that they were breaking fellowship with me due to my decision to come out as gay.
Us Four S’more - What does identity and belonging mean to you?
Sticky questions, personal answers:
The Religious Trauma Network’s team mashup.
What does identity and belonging mean to you?
Accepting Blog Submissions: July–September, 2025
The Religious Trauma Network is pleased to announce our next guest blog series for July, August, and September 2025. We invite submissions that thoughtfully explore the themes outlined below, while upholding our core values of respect and empowerment.
Us Four S’more: Was there ever a time you thought mental health didn’t matter?
Sticky questions, personal answers:
The Religious Trauma Network’s team mashup.
Was there ever a time you thought mental health didn’t matter, or even felt uncomfortable talking about it? What shifted your perspective, and how has that impacted you or the way you support others?
Lest the Church People Speak
I’ve decided that when my mother dies, I won’t be attending her funeral. This decision came after nearly a decade of counseling, when I finally concluded (and accepted) that she’d never be the loving, caring mom I always wanted.
Happy Mother’s Day?: Nurturing Trauma-Informed Faith Practices for Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day is widely recognized as a time of celebration and gratitude, but it’s important to understand that not everyone has positive memories or feelings about this day. For many individuals, Mother’s Day can bring up grief, pain, or complicated emotions, especially for those who have experienced loss, estrangement, or trauma in their maternal relationships.
Behind the Curtain: Finding resurrection in the real.
Easter, once the season of performance and exhaustion, is now truly about renewal. This year, resurrection didn’t show up in a church pew or an over-sung hymn, but in quiet distance, and sky. I found it in a most unexpected place: the story of a misunderstood witch reclaiming her power. Rising doesn’t always look like whatever story someone decides it should.
Us Four S’more: How has your experience with Easter changed over the years?
Sticky questions, personal answers: The Religious Trauma Network’s team mashup.
How has your experience with Easter changed over the years?
RTN Podcast - Survival Songs: Why You Already Have Value Without Doing Anything with Derek Webb
Can an album be a lifeline? In this moving conversation, Luke Renner sits down with singer-songwriter Derek Webb (former member of the Christian music group Caedmon's Call) to explore his latest record, Survival Songs—a raw, urgent collection written in just three weeks as a love letter to the queer and trans community, especially youth navigating a hostile world.
When Easter Isn’t Good News: Honoring Your Healing Process
For many, Easter is a joyful celebration—bright pastels, songs of triumph, and declarations of renewal. But for others, especially those healing from religious trauma, it can be a painful reminder of wounds still unhealed.
The Twenty Year Lent
On the week of Halloween, a coworker proposed a discussion question in a team meeting, something we often do for fun. Her question was something like “What is something scary you’ve experienced related to church or your faith?”
From Promise Ring to Stethoscope: Confronting Purity Culture as Patient or Healthcare Provider
As a survivor of purity culture and now as a Religious Trauma Advocate, I've come to recognize the profound impact this movement has had on individuals and communities. Purity culture, which gained prominence in the 1990s within evangelical Christian circles, emphasized sexual abstinence before marriage, traditional gender roles, and modesty. While often well-intentioned, this movement has left many grappling with long-lasting effects on their mental and sexual health.